Phil's Story ~ Day 8

SATURDAY, APRIL 4, 2015

     Last night I wasn’t planning on staying at the hospital. The night before they got him some good drugs for anxiety and sleep and it helped to finally have the first good rest since the accident. They were planning on doing it again, so I was going to go home and get some rest myself. But then a bed opened up on floor, what we had been waiting for, but it turned out to be terrible timing. Phil anxiety was really setting in and the hallucinations he was experiences were turning demonic and torturous. Getting the floor took forever, everything takes longer than they say it will, and when we got up there Phil’s dad showed up and shortly after him Elder Runia to give Phil a blessing. Todd anointed Phil and Elder Runia gave him the blessing. It was neat and very positive in Phil’s recovery. After that bright moment, things turned south quickly. They couldn’t find Phil’s order for the anxiety medication or for his hiccups. This was alarming and very worrisome to Phil. The nurse seemed below par and it was frustrating to me to have to fight for Phil. I felt annoying at trying to get help for this poor guy who was suffering inside and out. I felt annoyed and I got a little mean that they couldn’t do a little more on their own to get something done. I pestered and bothered. I felt immense pressure being the only one on that floor who actually cared about Phil and his pain and well-being, especially knowing what he was seeing constantly in his mind. I was also super bothered because the nurses who weren’t doing ANYTHING were just sitting around, laughing and being SO LOUD. SOOOO frustrating. I’m still fuming about it. It does make me really grateful for my friend Emma who has told about a department of PCH that works to help with keeping things quiet during the night shift. Why can’t she come and work on this floor!?! She also told me that if Phil isn’t getting good care to talk to the charge nurse. So that’s exactly what I did. And things finally started to happen. But they still didn’t happen in an ideal way and resulted in Phil not getting hardly any sleep. Instead of giving Phil the melatonin, hiccup, pain, anxiety and sleep pills all the same time, they only gave him the pain and melatonin. Any idiot knows how melatonin works. It only helps you get to sleep, not stay asleep. So then they came in and gave him the anxiety pill an hour later and then again later the sleeping pill. So all that waking up and bothering was counter productive, however, the anxiety mediation does help with the hallucinations.

     I was really glad that I could be there. I didn’t do a whole lot, but just being there helped calm his anxiety and made him feel like someone actually cared about him. There wasn’t a whole lot of sleep happening, less for Phil than for me because I immediately fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow because of this baby that’s growing. I felt good most of the night and I count that as a blessing.

     Once shift changed happened we had success in getting a really good nurse. She has been quick, understanding and has been pretty fast in getting things ordered and into the room for Phil. Today has mostly been spent trying to get Phil’s bowels moving and getting him to have a bowel movement. It’s been a little harder than we anticipated. He’s had miralax, a suppository, two enemas and a shot into the gut to help get things going. All of that has worked a little, but not enough to be satisfied. The constipation has caused bloating and an upset stomach and the bloating has caused all his incisions to feel tight and painful. On top of all of that he still dealing with pain, although today I feel it’s managed better. They shortened the length of time between dosages from 6 hours to 4. That seems to be better. He did mention about an hour ago that he was really hurting and that he couldn’t bear the pain any more and wanted some morphine. The nurse evaluated him and determined that his pain was coming more from stomach discomfort than from the pain directly related to his injuries. That is good and bad. Good that his injuries are feeling better, but hard that we’re not getting great resolution with his gastrointestinal tract. They are continuing to work on it. Earlier they took out his catheter, which is one less line running in, but has made being in bed without much mobility challenging. Its also very difficult for him to do on his own. So we do it together, but we have been able to tell that he’s not empting his bladder fully each time which is another concern. Poor guy.

     Doctors are worried about the clot in his left leg. He still has the two superficial clots in his arms, but they said those don’t travel anywhere that would be a danger for Phil. Since the clot in his leg has only been there for a couple days, it’s considered “new”, can’t remember the medical term, and because of that it’s at a high risk of moving to the lungs during surgery. It is still being debated whether or not Interventional Radiology will put a filter in his inferior vena cava and like a wire umbrella would catch the clot before it was able to move to his lungs. If they do that procedure it will hopefully be tomorrow. The orthopedic teams would like to take off of Heparin at least the night before surgery because it causes more bleeding during surgery. The problem with doing the cath procedure tomorrow is first, that it’s the weekend and secondly, that it is Easter. So the hospital will be less staffed and if something more urgent comes in, Phil pushed back, which is understandable. The only problem with that is if they do decide Phil needs this and they have to wait til Monday to do it, Phil’s surgery on his leg could be pushed back a day. I think that would be devastating for him.

     We had some visitors today. The first was my Uncle and Aunt Jay & Dana. They were sweet to stop in and check on us. The second was the boys and my parents. Phil was pretty tired and having some pain so it was short and sweet. He was so happy to see the boys and I was happy for us all to be together again in that moment. While we made sure that Phil’s legs were covered up, I could see the excitement in Boyd’s face turn to concern quite quickly. We got a chair for them to stand on beside the bed and Boyd was a little hesitant to go much closer to Phil than that. I think it was good for Boyd to see Phil and realize that while he only knows Phil broke a couple legs, it’s a little more serious that the broken leg he had and why I have been spending nearly all of my time at the hospital. Brewer quickly climbed down and started exploring the room and Boyd told Phil about some of the things he had been doing. Then we hung up the poster and signs that they had made him and my parents took them downstairs to get ready to have some lunch. Peter an Annisa stopped by really quick and I think it was good to see some familiar faces. But it was short and sweet. If he’s going to have visitors, those are the kinds of visits he need. No longer than five minutes. The last visitors were a surprise and one that I think was very meaningful to Phil. Steve and Kristen Coburn. If anyone knows what Phil and I are going through it is them.

     At one point in the day they decided to take out Phil’s catheter. It went well at first, but going to the bathroom wasn’t something he could do himself. I was so glad that I could be there to help him. Unfortunately through the day it got harder for Phil to urinate and they did a bladder scan and then a straight cath because Phil was not empting his bladder when he peed and it was building up. They drained over 400cc of urine out and that was just after he peed and additional 100cc. The poor guy had to be so uncomfortable. Having an empty bladder gave him some relief for a little while, but he was still dealing with some gut pain.

     Around 6:30 Phil’s family, Todd, Stephen, Grayson and Nate came with burgers and fries to watch the priesthood conference session. Originally I thought I would probably go home about that time but because of the difficulty he was having urinated and because of the frequency I knew I was going to stay and stay through the night. I was a little discouraged when I came to this conclusion because I had not gotten very much sleep the night before and being pregnant just made me feel very tired. But I did feel very lifted that day. I knew all the prayers that were being said were buoying me up and giving me the strength and ability I needed to be able to take care of Phil. And I was also given the understanding that I had that extra capacity.

     It was good for Phil and I think good for me to have some company in the room. A little bit of a distraction even though there was still work to be done in caring for Phil. It was also nice to have a little help when it came to helping Phil change positions, which can sometimes be a three-person job. Steve helped me fix the pillows under his legs and then everyone sort of helped roll Phil onto his side, pick up his legs and then stuff pillows under him to help him get some relief to his back.

     Once the guys left, around 8, things got much worse for Phil as far as urinating was going. He still wasn’t putting out very much urine at one time and the frequency in which he had to pee was increasing drastically. Earlier in the day Phil had asked about having them just replace his catheter and they made it sound like for a few different reasons that wasn’t going to be an option, which is why they did the straight catheter. We requested that he have another bladder scan and then to empty his bladder right before he went to bed. The scan reveled even more urine in his bladder before and the physician decided to put the catheter back in. He was so happy that he would get it in over night. With the catheter back in, his pain managed and his sleeping meds set up for him, he was feeling pretty good. His anxiety wasn’t as bad compared to previous nights and he was optimistic that he was going to get a good nights rest. He told me to go home and so I did. I was able to shower, help get the boys Easter baskets ready, make some signs and finally go to sleep. I didn’t sleep well, but it did feel good to be close to my boys and feel the love that was in our new temporary home.

     I’m so grateful to all of our family that has helped with the boys. I have probably only spent a total of a couple hours with them total in the time that this has happened. I know that they are being blessed to be happy. This challenge would feel so much more unbearable if they didn’t have such wonderful and amazing grandparents and family taking such great care of them. And Phil wouldn’t be able to get the love and emotional care that is so important for him to be able to heal and keep his spirits up. Heavenly Father is truly mindful of us and what our needs are. I know that he will not take away Phil’s pain, miraculously heal his bones or take away the financial burden. But I do know that he will help to make all of those things bearable. We will continue to see the tender mercies, which remind us that He loves us and that He is helping us. It will be difficult, but with Him it will be doable. And in the end I have faith that if we endure this well we will become better. We will be better spouses with a much deeper love, we will be better parents, better friends with a greater capacity to emphasize with those who are going hardships, and hopefully we will have a great understanding of the atonement and the plan of salvation.

FACEBOOK UPDATES

    §  6:25 PM ~ Look what we got to do today. It didn't last too long, but was definitely a ray of sunshine in a day of new and hard hurdles. (Picture with the kids)

    §  6:28 PM ~ So glad we captured this tender moment!! Makes my heart smile. (Picture of Phil and Brewer).

    §  11:36 PM ~ Too tired for a detailed update tonight. The day was challenging with a new set of difficult battles to be fought. But it also had some good as well. Two things I would like to include in this post is that first of all I felt capable beyond my own capacity today and I want thank every single person praying for us. Secondly, even though it was another trying and brutal day for Phil and he may have experienced some disappointing moments, I saw a slight change. I think the hallucinations are continuing to get better, or I guess I should less, and his pain is maybe just slightly more manageable. And they day ended on good vibes from Phil. Hoping he's getting the rest he thought he would. Lots more to write about. I'll try to catch up tomorrow.