Phil's Story ~ Day 3

MONDAY, MARCH 30, 2015

         This day was pretty terrible for me, although ALWAYS everything is a thousand times worse for Phil. It started out bad because I couldn’t find my suitcases or Brewer’s medication and it kind of put me into a panic. But it turned out to be my fault because our dear friends the Calderwood’s brought everything that I needed inside late when I was asleep and walked right by it all when I went to look for them. She was a good sport when I called her at 5:30 in the morning and calmed my mind.  Then there was more frustration when we were running a little late and they called to let us know that they were taking Phil first case. It meant that we would miss sending him off with anyone telling him that he was loved. That was pretty hard for me. I guess I can be thankful that he won’t remember that. Then there was even more frustration relating to the shop during surgery, something that I didn’t even want to think about, and then had to deal with. Lastly, Phil’s 4-6 hour surgery took 9 hours because of some complications. It was the most emotionally draining day so far. My mom and Amy were a good support and strength to me that day and I appreciate them so much for that.

         It was during those experiences that I really wished I had been Phil beside me to process all my emotions and take over being the strong one. We did that with Brewer, except for the part where he was pretty much always the strong one all the time. Early during this journey the thought crossed my mind that the experiences we had with Brewer had prepared me in some ways for this. And it did…in some ways. Having seen Brewer in the hospital with all the cords, pumps, lines and machines is what prepared me. I’ve been able to follow a lot of what the doctors are explaining because of Brewer. Sometimes I even feel insulted because they’re trying to dumb it down so much. Okay, I don’t feel insulted, but I do already know what they are talking about they can skip all the extra explanations. But what I wasn’t prepared for was the void and partnership that was missing. While I did have family and support from a lot of people, no one can replace the trust and security I feel with Phil. I struggle to put the feeling into words but it must be some kind of combination of: emptiness, void, longing, like your one sure rock, the one sure thing in life, is temporarily out of service. It’s been so hard and my heart aches for Phil. I wish I could do something to take away what he has to endure. My brother reminded me of the atonement and what our Father in Heaven must have felt like when He could not help Christ in the Garden. What pain and anguish it must have been to watch Him suffer so immensely. I feel like I was given just a small understanding of what that must feel like. What it feels like to be completely helpless and watch your greatest love, joy, and pride endure unbearably. I am grateful for my Savior who has suffered all of the pains that we will ever feel, from sin and remorse, to loneliness and sadness, fear and physical pain, and every other emotional suffering we will have to endure. I can’t comprehend how He was able to do that, but I know that He did. I feel that He did. He knows that pains of my heart and He knows the physical pain that Phil is experiencing. As we take his yoke upon us, he will lift and carry our burdens. All we have to do is believe in Him and keep the commandments that have been given to us. It’s actually really simple. And to me it’s pretty astounding. What we offer on our part is so miniscule compared to what we get back in return. I think that in one way we can teeny glimpse of the love that our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ have for us.

         After we were allowed to go back in to the SICU Phil looked pretty rough, very swollen. But I was prepared for that from Brewer’s surgeries. It was good to spend some time in there and a lot of Phil’s family were able to be there. Grayson and Emilie came after driving 8 hours to Grand Junction to pick up our truck, Nate was there and Steve and Rachel were able to come as well. It was the first time that Steve had been able to be with Phil since they life-flighted him. It was good to see them in the same room together even if Phil was still heavily sedated from the anesthesia.

     I took a break from the hospital to drive to the airport to pick up JaNea. She was the next beacon of comfort and home. On my way to the airport I called Jenna and chatted with her. It was good to actually talk to her on the phone, Andrew and her have been supporting us in the strong and loving way the whole time. I think that Jenna even got a laugh out of me while we cried together. When I saw JaNea it was like all the love from home was being sent and it was a definite lift for me. She was the perfect member of the family to send first. She’s a woman and so understands emotions, but she is not emotional herself. It was so wonderful having her with me for a few days. We went back to the hospital for a while and then drove to my Mom’s roommate’s house in Holladay, just 15 minutes from the hospital. She was so kind to open up her beautiful home to us. We stayed there together each night while JaNea was in town.

FACEBOOK UPDATES:

    §  7:45 AM ~ Phillip is back in surgery now. They were able to take him first case. Please pray for his doctors that they will be able to repair Phil's pelvis. It's a critical and difficult surgery. I'm not sure yet if they will be working on his leg, but I will update when I know.

    §  12:57 PM ~ Phillip is doing well. He's been in surgery for about 5 hours. The first couple hours were spent repairing the left side of his pelvis and he did very well. Since then they have been working on the right and he has only needed two units of blood so far. After they complete his pelvis they will adjust the stabilizing rods in his left leg. They will not work on either of his leg fractures today.

    §  2:05 PM ~ We just got another update from the OR. Phillip is still doing well however the doctors are having trouble getting everything aligned the way the need it to be. So lots of prayers for the doctors to be able to be successful so there are no more complications. Thank you everyone!!!

    §  5:19 PM ~ Phillip is finally DONE!!!!! After 9 hours they got him finished up. After all that they were pleased with how everything came together. It will still be a while before we will be able to see him, but they said he did very well. They are now talking about surgery on his left leg tomorrow if he's not too swollen. He'll get a lot of fluid tonight because of the blood transfusions they had to do, so they won't decide on surgery until early tomorrow morning.

         This is the surgery tracking chart. Phil was in OR 4 for both surgeries, his number was 76568.