The Moulton's

There is a reason that I haven't put a new blog post in so long. It's because I have NO time. I could go on and on about what each day is like and how I wish there was more time in the day, more time to spend with Boyd and more time to spend with Phil. 

I am close to finishing up Paul Cardall's book and came across a few things that struck me. The first is a quote by Elder Neal A. Maxwell. He said, "We had a Father who loves us specifically and gives us things to do and, because he loves us, will cause us, at times, to have our souls stretched and to be fitted for a better world by coping with life in this world." 

I feel like my soul is being stretched. I feel stretched every day. I continue to feel so many emotions, gratitude, joy, sadness, worry, exhaustion, and frustration. Lately I have felt the adversary put feeling of anger and discouragement within me. Within a few days we'll be setting a date for Brewer's next surgery, the Glenn.  If things continue to go well it will take place some time in July. Today the Cath Lab called to schedule his Hearth Cath which will take place two days before his surgery. Even though I knew I would be getting these phone calls, I'm not sure I'm ready to go through all of this again. It's overwhelming. Sometimes when we have had a few days that have been difficult I begin to wonder why. Why can't Heavenly Father just make Brewer easier. Why can't he be a happy baby all the time and sleep well. We have enough to worry about with his heart and the needs that he has because of it. I guess Heavenly Father just need to stretch us a little more. Some days it hurts and I feel like I can't possibly do another day. I know that Heavenly Father continues to hear my prayers and the prayers that everyone continues to say for Brewer and our family. I enjoy the quite time in my bedroom before bed. Time when I can pray and express my fears, express my need of divine help, and my gratitude. 

The second piece in Paul's book that struck me were his owns words that he wrote after his successful heart transplant. He said, "I don't know what to say that could convey my gratitude to all of you invalid in the miracle performed by our Heavenly Father though His children. I've witnessed tender acts of prayer, hope, faith, scientific fits, talent, surgical wisdom, and other acts of kind service to me. I am grateful and feeling good. And yet, at the same time, I recognize the deep loss a family is feeling at this time. Also, I have many tender feeling for the many heart babes who've left us to go back home to God. I hear their voices when I am sleeping and am grateful to now many of their names. Their history is written all over the halls of this sacred institution. I continue to pray for those who still remain, who fight for a future with their families, who fight to enjoy this world. I am still with you and will continue to pray for you and exercise my faith in your behalf."

I hope to be able to blog more than I have over the past few weeks. I would like to post pictures and write more about our lives, how work is going for Phil, the funny and silly things Boyd does, and how Brewer continues to impress all his doctors with his progress and growth. I would especially love to write about how my love and appreciation has grown for Phil. He's an amazing man and a great helpmate to me. He fills in for me over and over. He helps me get enough sleep, does feeds, makes every dinner, and works long days to support our family. He's amazing and I'm so blessed and grateful that I get him for all of eternity. What joy is brings me to know that we're married in this life and in the life to come. We will be able to experience all together, there is nothing that brings me more happiness.